Main Categories

Other Resources

Pages

OnlineEarnings Article Board » Health » Illness And Anger: 3 Steps To Avoid The Spiritual Pitfalls
Welcome Guest

Illness And Anger: 3 Steps To Avoid The Spiritual Pitfalls

Author: LisaCopen
Total views: 176
Word Count: 1302
View PDF

Add2Netvouz

"When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I actually felt relief," shares Cindy. "I had been trying to find a reason for my pain and it finally was acknowledged as being something physical not mental." Cindy goes on to explain, "It wasn't until months later that I started getting short-tempered and frustrated and I realized that I was angry about the diagnosis. I was angry that I had to suffer and no one understood."

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a doctor in Switzerland, wrote a life-changing book called, "On Death and Dying" which describes the cycle of emotional stages that is often referred to as the grief cycle. Anger is the third stage, following the shock stage and the denial stage.

When we discover that we have a chronic illness, meaning an illness we will likely have for the rest of our lives, anger is a natural reaction. So many hopes and dreams seem to be taken from us.

Recognizing these feelings and dealing with them is part of the mourning process. We all need to go through this process, and it comes at different times for each individual and at different levels at each stage of the illness. Ironically, the first year of diagnosis may even be easier than the third year.

Cheryl, who lives with diabetes, shares, "For the longest time the disease was just an annoyance, but once I had to start checking my blood sugar ten times a day and watching every bite I ate, I got angry. I lashed out at everyone, even my husband and daughter. I was so jealous they could eat whatever they wanted and didn't even appreciate it."

One thing we can count on is that anger is part of the grief cycle that we all go through when we suffer loss.

Linda Noble Topf author of "You are Not Your Illness" says, "It is my observation that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb."

Anger can be seen as something shameful to express, especially if you are a Christian, who has been told that angry emotions are not excused or even "allowed." You may experience some of these feelings:

- If my faith in God is solid, I should trust that He wants what is best for me. Doubting His hand in my circumstances to shows my lack of faith.

- If I reveal my anger to my Christian friends, they're going to tell me to have more faith. They will think that my walk with God must be weak.

- The Bible says, "Wise men shouldn't anger." I am far from being wise, but I still don't want to disappoint God.

- I have seen how angry people become very bitter and I don't want to be that kind of person. So if I ignore my anger, I will eventually become a better Christian, focusing only on the positive things life holds.

All of these thoughts are normal, but that doesn't mean they're correct. By burying our anger and not acknowledging it, we prevent ourselves from moving on to the next phase in the grief cycle, learning how to effectively manage our emotions and our chronic illness.

Here are a few suggestions for coping effectively with illness and the anger that accompanies it.

1. If you are angry, acknowledge that these feelings exist. Then get on with life!

It is easy to believe if we bury our anger we will become a stronger person. Topf recommends, "Think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit." By claiming your feelings you can reclaim your personal identity and your true emotions about the situation.

The Bible explains how Job got angry about the events in his life and cursed the day of his birth. He said, "Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?" (Job 6:13). In the end though, God blessed Job in many ways and Job told the Lord, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know" (Job 42:3b). Through his feelings of anger and frustration, character and understanding was built.

2. Feeling angry is okay.

God gave us the ability to feel anger. There are many examples in the Bible where even He feels anger. What does the Bible tell us about anger? Once you begin to get in touch with these feelings of anger, it may trigger every unfairness and injustice that you are experiencing. We are susceptible to becoming wrapped up in these feelings and remaining angry at the world. These are the feelings of anger that God warns us about; as He knows that they can become too prominent in our life and take our focus off of Him.

- "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James

- "Wise men turn away anger" (Proverbs

- "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).

It is no secret that the God designed us with anger as part of our natural human response to negative circumstances. Some people may remind us that it takes anger to make positive changes. For example, the acronym "MADD" explains rather well the emotions behind Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. Topf writes, "We discover that anger is first and foremost demand for change." It's true, amazing changes have occurred in history because of anger, such as the civil rights laws. Having an "I'm-not-going-to-take-it-any-more-attitude" can create positive changes. It is when anger takes over a life that we are in danger.

In Amos 1:11 God says, "I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually." God is not upset with the fact that we justifiable feelings of anger, but because they can become continuous feelings that we insist on acting upon. The Lord calls us to refocus on Him and to use our anger to make positive changes that will ultimately bring Him glory.

3. Walk alongside God and He will walk with you through the anger.

David experienced this and wrote, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." (Psalm 138:7). God is there when you need to feel angry and he wants to stretch out His hand against your anger and protect you.

"I'm still dealing with anger toward this illness, after eight years of being sick," shares a woman who lives with fibromyalgia, Peggy says, "Each time I experience a new limitation, I get angry all over again. But as I learn to cope with living with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect God's perfect grace. I pray that He will become slow to anger, as I am depending on the scripture, 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love'" (Psalm 103:8).

Coping effectively with anger will be a challenge we deal with for the rest of our lives. Some of the most vital guidance to cope with it is in a scripture that I point to in my book, "Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why" where I steer one through emotions of bitterness, jealousy and anger that accompanies illness. Hosea 7:13b-14 says: God says, "I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds." So don't flop down on your bed and wail "Why is this happening to me?" Instead pour out your heart to the Lord and merely ask Him for help.

About the Author

"Why Can't I Make People Understand?" is author, Lisa's latest book that can get you past your emotions of anger at www.WhyCantIMakePeopleUnderstand.com . Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from when you sign up for HopeNotes at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week.